January 15 2014
January 15, 2014 5:00am
Connection: Lost & Found
Brett and I are writing a book! Please send us your love, support and uplifting vibes to help us make it through these next few months. It would be greatly appreciated. It's official. We are signed up to present our manuscript at the Santa Barbara Writers Conference and have to submit our draft in May!
For many of you following my blog and FB posts, you have been witnessing some of the transformation and whirlwind that has been taking place. The photo I’m posting shows Brett and I getting ready for a “70’s Party” a few years ago. We are feeling happy, healthy and fit…at the top of our game. It would be in late 2011 that a slide would begin…taking us to a point where we were on the brink of losing our house, the studio, and our marriage of 18 years. And the saddest part was losing ourselves and dreams along the way.
Then, making one big decision when faced with a fork in the road in December 2013, a decision that allowed an abundance of new chances to re-connect, and has made all the difference in our world. We are grateful for this renewed opportunity to cultivate an incredible connection first within ourselves, then with each other and now with those around us. And we are going to write about it. We are going to share honestly about what we had, what we lost and what we found. Yes, we are going to go there…we are sharing the love and hurt, the laughter and concealing, the sex and the no sex, the sweetness and sadness, the romance and resentment, the mis-steps and magic moments that have brought us here.
We hope it can be helpful to other couples who may relate to us. Because if Brett and I are willing to share with all sincerity the path we have taken, maybe others will recognize they don’t have to go through a crisis before taking steps to save, re-invent, and re-invigorate the most beautiful thing they have created…a family.
Why put it all out there? Well, for those who know me, you know that I heal myself through dance and then openly writing & speaking publicly about my hardships and growth. And Brett, well, his profession is writing. His writing is how he won over my heart more than 20 years ago with “The Letter.” It’s not just what he does, it’s a part of who he is. Without a doubt, our story will be written, even if no one else besides Brett and I read it. We know in our hearts it is what we need to do to finalize and heal.
This journey has taught me that I only can be hurt and healed by myself, no one else. However, although I don’t NEED others to provide what I have finally found so deeply within myself, I still WANT others to support and love me. And now…I suddenly feel my stomach lurch, and tears are rolling down my cheeks as I get ready to hit post. So…I have to ask…is there anyone out there who is reading this post who can “hear” me and give my heart some assurance that it could be helpful to share this story? And if Brett and I share some of more dark and downtrodden sides of ourselves, will you be willing to still “see” and celebrate the light that resides in our healing hearts?
From my Dancing Heart to Yours,
One of the hazards of marrying a super-talented, extroverted, rock-star woman is that she might just do things better than you, even if that thing is your chosen profession, like writing. And she will surely do it first. With that in mind, feel free to jump right to her post above. It says it all. And says it very well.
Even so, here’s my $.02.
Tamara and I have lived a lifetime in the last 60 days, culminating in a surreal, sometimes painful, and ultimately magical last-minute trip to Santa Barbara just before the new year. The trip saved our marriage. More precisely, WE saved our marriage, by digging deep into truth and simply saying all the things that were unsaid. We emerged as new people, better people.
We are writing a book about our experience and I will echo her in asking for your support. That’s something new for me. I enjoy being the quiet guy backstage. I like to help but I don’t like to ask for it. I keep my feelings to myself, which doesn’t always serve me well. I let my “truth” out in fiction, which I often keep to myself as well.
However, I can see now that the value in all the hard lessons learned is the opportunity to share them in a way that could be useful to someone else. I know people in my closest circles who have experienced or are currently going through some of the same things, and I’m hopeful that I can help in some way. So I’m putting my goal out there, knowing that nothing is really real until it’s on Facebook (insert your own emoticon here). We are attending the Santa Barbara Writers Conference in June with the express purpose of finding an agent/publisher for our manuscript. I appreciate your support in whatever form it’s offered: encouragement, good thoughts, contacts in the publishing world, solid gold ingots, world series tickets, etc. I guess I’m looking for some crowd-sourced mojo. And I know some of y’all have mojo to spare.
To my friends and family, you don’t have to wait for the book to come out to talk. I sort of crawled into a shell the last few years, trying to navigate a financial mess, a strained relationship with the person I love most, and a life that seemed to be unraveling. But I’ve made a very profound change, and I’m an open book. Mostly I’m happy and healthy and hopeful.
Love to you all,
Here are more blog posts referred to above that have more details about our recent journey of transformation:
Tamara Squires, Creator of FLiP: Start With Happy! At-Home Fitness/Transformation Workout Program
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