PROFOUND DANCE by Tamara Squires

December 8, 2013 – 4am

pro·found

1.     very great or intense.

2.     having or showing great knowledge or insight.

3.     the vast depth of the ocean or of the mind.

PROFOUND DANCE = Utilizing music and movement to work through an intense emotion or insight. Diving into the vast depth of the mind, body and heart to expand and connect with oneself and others. Embracing vulnerability. Being present. Awakening the very center of our core and celebrating every cell of our being through DANCE.

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It is 4am and it is time to share my truth…my story. It is in the stillness of the early morning that I find the courage and the words. 

I looked for courage to experience this. 

I asked for courage to make it through. 

I found courage to write about it. 

And now, I finally have the courage to share it. 

“I’ve lost 7 pounds…I’ve lost 7 pounds in less than a week. What is happening?”  This is what I say to myself only a few days ago. For my body, this is not the norm. I am hesitant to mention it to anyone. In 6 short days, my mind, body and soul has been propelled at high velocity towards a change that has left me at my most vulnerable, yet will help open me up as never before. I am about to flip some core beliefs that I have held so deep, that it will take shedding the weight to free them. And Profound Dance will take me through this process. Using music and movement, I will delve deep, question, face conflict, move through the emotion, release it, be uplifted, filled back up and finally…get to the other side.

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I am guiding a group called TEAM HAPPY through my 12 Week Start With Happy weight loss program. We are experiencing Week 11…the “Live” Stage. We are focusing on TRUSTING our bodies and the cues it continues to send us. And here I am, again, getting the magical chance to work on myself as I help others through the program. I love having the opportunity to revisit and discover interesting ways I can better myself and have success with my own goals as I help others reach for theirs. This TEAM HAPPY group has inspired me to no end.

I started guiding this program in early fall, personally feeling fragile and raw, but happy. I had been experiencing some big changes in my life and earlier in the summer had some intense core beliefs raise to the surface. For the first time in over 20 years, I was going to come face to face with the consequences of driving myself to exhaustion. The realization that much of my drive to always be achieving something in my business/personal life—and never stop, not even to sleep—was because of a deep-set core belief that I was not enough unless I was always in full-speed-ahead mode. Luckily, I used the tools in my own program to flip that core belief and send it packing. I was learning about this new, beautiful, softer side of myself…more vulnerable. However, I soon realized in this state, I needed to find a new way to define myself because while I wanted to continue to embrace this new softer side, I did not want to lose my drive to succeed. I needed to work out in my mind and body a way to have both. And that came with the vision of being WATER. With water, I could see myself as having the ability to simply be soft, I could flow, I could go around rocks and over boulders set in my path and at other times, when necessary, I could become a more resilient form that stayed strong and true. It was the perfect metaphor and because water has so many different states, it helped me retain and honor the many complex sides of me.

This new “softer” version of myself was new territory. What a beautiful gift to be more “mothering!” And to get more peaceful sleep…what a dream! However, in this new state of vulnerability, memories of being hurt and experiencing pain began to rise to my surface and feel as though they physically lay on top of my skin. I wanted a “do not touch” sign. I suddenly came face to face with old memories, much of this being brought on as I watched my beautiful young children turn the age I was when the physical hurt and verbal abuse began. While the memories are hard to deal with, I feel grateful for the chance to view these events now through my eyes as an adult. To lay the blame where it should go, removing it, finally, off of my little girl and young woman shoulders.

At this same time in the summer, while making headway with newfound core beliefs, something interesting was happening, I was gaining weight. I go months without being on a scale, but when I did check in I noticed the weight gain. However, it was interesting that it did not seem to affect my size much. I was still in the same exact clothes, even though in the past that same amount of gained weight and inches on my frame would normally mean I would be up two or three sizes.

I had shared this interesting phenomenon with my TEAM HAPPY. I expressed that because I trust my body, I had no anxiety over the weight gain, but admitted I didn’t quite understand it. I commented that maybe my new “softer” version wanted to be less lean. And I wondered aloud if it was simply because my body was starting to experience hot flashes and hormonal changes. And maybe due to age, it meant my body would stay the same size, but wanted to distribute the weight and inches differently.

As I mentioned, I had been working along my TEAM HAPPY for about 11 weeks, and I was dealing with my own inner challenges right along with them, when I had this amazing opportunity to meet a complete stranger who had an almost identical experience to mine with losing weight. He said he had lost 75 pounds in 6 months (I had lost 60). But here is the exciting part…he had done it with starting from the INSIDE OUT. He talked about having this moment where he realized a “This is not me” feeling shift in his core. Then he went about creating a new VISION of himself and mapped out how to get there. Hearing him tell the story was like I was watching the “In the Mirror” documentary of my own personal story of starting with happy. This set off such a spark in me!! I had found someone else that could validate this process! It was uncanny the way he described his success to reach his goals and that he was using some of the exact tools I had used for my own success. The same Positive Mindset tools and lessons I now utilize and share with others wanting ever-after results.

I so needed to meet him and hear his story…in this perfect time and place! It was extremely validating. I asked him if he would review my program and give me his insights. I knew that his personal input could potentially be instrumental in allowing me to help others who would relate to his story. His gentle, calm words of encouragement were healing to me. And his belief in my passion to make a difference was uplifting. I could not curtail my hope that for some reason this person would be the one to say, “everything will be fine,” “everything will work out,” and actually mean it.

This connection with my new friend was instantaneous. I felt like I had known him forever and kept trying to put into context this overwhelming feeling of knowing him from the past. It would not be until a week later that I would fully understand that it was not a feeling of the past I was experiencing…it was clearly seeing into the future! This person would become a catalyst in a most profound way. I had been hurt by a man, now I thought, I would be healed by one.

Because of our shared life changing experience, I was able to be very open and vulnerable when we talked. I was unfolding. I know that for over 20 years I had shut down this part of me as a protection mechanism, especially with men. I was trying out this new “softer” version of myself who was willing to be vulnerable but, at the same time I was in great conflict because I was coming face to face with all the hurt and pain memories that had pushed their way literally to the surface of my body. And because of this intense conflict of core beliefs something interesting happened…I totally lost my appetite.

At first I just thought I was getting ill. It is winter and all sorts of ailments are going around. So I assumed this was the case. But, it was not…I was just not hungry. After 4 days I weighed myself and discovered I had lost 4 pounds. This is not the norm for me, nor what I recommend to my clients. And those that know me or have done my program, know that I don't get on the scale much. Just use it to check in now and then. I am all about slow and steady…a few pounds a week for weight loss. However, I trust my body and want to listen to the cues it sends…so I tried to go with the flow and eat only clean healthy food when I could get it down. I was not hungry and I must admit that with all the conflict swirling about in my head and heart during these same few days, I was concerned. I knew part of my conflict was questioning how I could be allowing myself to be vulnerable and so open. I weighed myself on day 5, one more pound down. Weighed again on day 6, another 2 pounds down. I had lost 7 pounds in 6 days. 

It was on day 6 that I found myself in Park City at the TEDx Women event and absolutely thrilled to be there. I found it to be a much-needed relief from my own whirl of emotions and 6 days of no appetite. At the event, I was transfixed and inspired above measure. The community of women in the room made it a safe and beautiful place to experience the enlightening positivity of the TED talks. Towards the end of the first session, the last talk being given before the break was more informational than inspirational and I found my mind contemplating my situation at hand. Suddenly, like a bolt, deep at my center I realized an instant FLIP in my mind…“I AM the one who says that everything is going to be fine. I say that everything is going to work out. I have all the power in me alone to make this possible. I don’t need anyone else to be that for me. I can be vulnerable and at the same time be the only strength and drive I will ever need. I have both. No one has power to hurt or heal me again. That comes from within me.”

Time seemed to stop and I was suddenly…hungry.

Thank goodness we were breaking for lunch! The simple meal of green salad and soup was nothing short of amazing to me. My taste buds were on alert and every single gram of nourishment was received with grace, gratefulness and a happy, open heart. It tasted to me like life being restored. I say to myself, “You have found your compass, you are back on track to True North.”

I felt completely calm and centered. This newfound clarity left me floating through the rest of the day. What a magnificent, uplifting place to have such a profound insight! Listening to the empowering TED talks allowed me the unique opportunity to imprint and sustain my new thought process and celebrate this incredible true sense of myself.

The next morning I felt beautiful and happy, yet, I felt my body and mind needed some tenderness. I tried to teach my class, but I suddenly knew it was not a day to push physically; it was a day to spend contemplating my new core beliefs. And for those of you who have done my program, you know about the one to one Core Belief sessions. The session is an opportunity to take the negative core beliefs we are suddenly made aware of and then flip them to work towards reaching our goals rather than holding us back. When you touch upon a core belief, it usually releases the emotion right along with it. The flip is instantaneous and amazing. The shift is sudden, freeing and it allows the mind an opportunity to work out new pathways for the new core beliefs. Another great thing about the session is you don’t have to re-live the moment in the past that created the negative core belief; you simply visit it, make yourself aware of it and then flip it. I know it may sound simplistic…but, it works. I’ve watched it successfully happen hundreds of times. The commitment is simply the willingness to look deeper inside ourselves and honestly open up those thoughts that have been keeping us from fulfilling our dreams. It is in Honoring ourselves that we are willing to take the time needed for profound discoveries.

Although I am used to helping others through a Core Belief session, I realized I was in need of doing one to myself. It was time to delve deeper and contemplate all that had been happening to me this past week and help put it into perspective. It was an emotional time; one cannot go to the core and not expect to hit deep emotion as well. But the outcome is beautiful and full of amazing insights and allows the freedom to choose new pathways. Think it, Say it, Write it and Do it.

In the process, I had one of the most profound beliefs happen; it was a realization of what was happening with the weight loss and I want to share that. What I discovered is that the weight I had put on was my body pushing all the hurt and memories from the abuse up to the surface. The pounds that had been adding up on my scale earlier this year were the actual weight of these memories. And as they came to the surface of my skin, I realized I needed the vulnerable catalyst moment from a week prior to start the removal of this weight and memories. Now, along with the mental flip of removing old core beliefs, I was being given a chance to physically lose, once and for all, those specific memories. And the weight of those memories was literally falling off of me every single day. It was as if the painful old core beliefs were being allowed to come to the surface by the way of my unexplained weight gain just so I could then turn around and get rid of those memory cells FULLY FOREVER. Losing those 7 pounds in 6 days has permanently allowed those memories to drop…off…me.

I have a “New Life Book” I am writing. I have this cool, new version of my beautiful self that finds it easy to let go of old negative experiences. And with gusto, moves forward continuing to encompass and celebrate all of my previous positive life experiences that support my vision of HAPPY, HEALTHY AND FIT.

I am buoyant. I am WATER. 

Now what? Now it is time to share. After making shifts in the core, one of the best ways to solidify it is to share and announce it to others out loud. Bring it in to reality! So the next early morning after 7 days had passed and it was the beginning of a new week, a new course…I snuggled in the arms of my sweet husband and I shared with him this exciting discovery. He has been my rock, my safety for all these years as I have tried to move through the memories of the past. It has been difficult for him to know of the hurt I had experienced. I can see the happiness in his eyes and in his heart once he sees that I can truly let it all go and move onward. For me, it carries the feeling of a final “The End,” shut the book and place back on the shelf…never to be read again. The relief is tangible. After 40 years of knowing each other, there is a beautiful outcome from this incredibly tough week for my husband and I. It carries hope and we recognize we’ve been given the opportunity to become even closer. We exhale…and we celebrate it. We both become thankful of all that has happened.

How wonderful will it be to share with others a deeper reason “WHY” losing weight and inches can be more than the surface reason of just getting thin. If people are willing to start with happy and start from the inside out, the weight loss they achieve could also mean physically losing the negative core beliefs that hold them back and drop the old painful memories OFF THEIR BODIES! What a thrilling concept.

And now it is time to DANCE! Because, that’s how I roll. I will take all of the amazing insights and core belief changes I made this week and bring them to the forefront with PROFOUND DANCE! My process is taking whatever I am feeling or experiencing and putting it into MOVEMENT. I will celebrate it and imprint all the positive changes into every cell as I dance. It grounds me…it is my essence (see my writing “I am A Dancer” http://tamjams.com/blog/i_am_a_dancer). 

I suddenly realize and understand so clearly in my very CENTER, that all along I am the most vulnerable when I DANCE and that is the “WHY” behind all the amazing connections and experiences I have had. Vulnerability equals and allows connection. I get to dance almost everyday, to open up my heart and connect like CRAZY to others…especially while teaching in my own personal studio. I think my husband, Brett, a writer by profession, expressed this in a beautiful way:

“Someone watching you would think that when you're teaching, you are in a power position. You command the room. You are confident. You are knowledgeable. You are in your element. It looks like the opposite of vulnerability.

The truth is, you are at your most vulnerable when teaching. That is when you give the most of yourself. When you share the deepest levels of yourself. When you open it all up and give it to the people in the room. Whether it’s emotional, sensual, sweet, thrashy or whatever, you are putting on display whatever is inside you. That is vulnerability, which I think is another name for truth.

No surprise that you have your most vulnerable moments at your own studio, where you are most comfortable, surrounded by people who want to be there and share the experience.”

For my entire existence (I have been dancing since age 2), DANCE has weaved its way through every major event in my life and continues to move me each and every day. It is in my simple daily routine of dancing through life that I get to visit the best part of me. Yes, I teach dance almost every single day and that fills me up like nothing else, and yes, I have experienced the most incredible opportunities to perform on stage allowing me to open up and leave it all on the dance floor to connect with the audience, but it is also…truly, the small moments throughout the day that all add up: like breaking out mid-sentence to throw down a dance move while chatting with a friend because my favorite song starts playing on the radio and I just have to MOVE, like being able to dance to the beat of the microwave beeping, like grabbing both of my son’s hands and twirling us all around the room…just because. 

Better yet… “Every time I dance, I AM the BEST version of me.”

Maybe, just maybe…it can all begin with dance for anyone willing to try. Maybe simply allowing ourselves to feel music, and to feel movement can be the first step to discovering and opening up our CORE. Dance requires that we use our CORE and to be CENTERED and on our BALANCE. By simply becoming aware of our core center we OPEN up and suddenly get in touch with expressing our emotions. Dance is living in the moment. Combining powerful, meaningful music and movement together can be the vehicle we use to express all of the complex sides within us. Dance can encompass so much…sweet, sad, powerful, sensual, anguish, joy, empathetic, pain, hard, and soft sides of ourselves. Benefits of dance are numerous! It improves flexibility, agility, and coordination. The variety and multi-directional movement works your muscles and your brain in new ways each time. Your heart gets pumping and burn calories while doing something you enjoy. It keeps you young! And most important, it simply…is…FUN!

This is your brain on Dance! (The Joyous Mind painting by Janpen Sherwood)

Dance is yet another tool to combat negative core beliefs and anything else holding you back. It can help keep you on target to achieve your goals, to go after your DREAMS! Dance is from your gut…it connects you to YOUR PASSION. Music and movement through DANCE touches us on a level that nothing else can. So celebrate it…DANCE IT!

               

 

 

 

 

 

Sounds awesome doesn’t it? Do you want to try PROFOUND DANCE? Then, come dance with me! Or, simply turn on your stereo and dance around the room to music that MOVES you. Find music that creates and sparks an emotion in YOU. There are no “right” or “wrong” steps…no choreography to perfect…it is simply DANCE.

PROFOUND DANCE = Utilizing music and movement to work through an intense emotion or insight. Diving into the vast depth of the mind, body and soul to connect with oneself and others. Embracing vulnerability and celebrating every ounce of our core, every cell of our being through beautiful dance movement.

I am hungry.

Hungry to Live.

Hungry to Dance.

Hungry to make a Difference!

Gotta run…time to dance to the poetry of the music shared below AND eat some FRENCH TOAST that is calling my name AND then…figure out a way to live my dream of DANCING, TEACHING & LIVING in a beautiful personal studio/home on the beach in Santa Barbara, CA. Where I can be inspired by the ocean, the mountains, the light, the warmth and all of nature every single day.  :-)

From My Dancing Heart To Yours!

Check out Tamara's 12-Week Transformation Workout program: FLiP! Start With Happy

"Unfold" - Marie Digby (to purchase, click: 

Unfold (Acoustic Version) - Start Here - EP

What I can remember

Is a lot like water

Trickling down a page

Of the most beautiful colors

I can't quite put my finger down

On the moment that I became like this

 

You see, I'm the bravest girl

You'll ever come to meet

Yet, I shrink down to nothing

At the thought of someone really seeing me

I think my heart is wrapped around

And tangled up in winding weeds

But, I don't wanna go on living

Being so afraid of showing

Someone else my imperfections

And even though my feet are trembling

Every word I say comes stumbling

I will bare it all

Watch me unfold

 

These hands that I hold behind my back

Are bound and broken from my own doing

And I can't feel anything anymore

I need a touch to remind me

I'm still real

 

'Cause, I don't wanna go on living

Being so afraid of showing

Someone else my imperfections

And even though my feet are trembling

Every word I say comes stumbling

I will bare it all

Watch me unfold

 

My soul

It's dying to be free

I can't live the rest of my life so guarded

It's dying to be free

It's up to me to choose

What kind of life I lead

 

'Cause, I don't wanna go on living

Being so afraid of showing

Someone else my imperfections

And even though my feet are trembling

Every word I say comes stumbling

I will bare it all

Watch me unfold

 

I will allow someone to love me

 

"True North" - Jillette Johnson (click link to purchase)

True North - Water in a Whale

The enemy is in my mind

But the little belly aches give it light

If I could be inside my body while I move my mouth, then I

Could better swallow what I feel

And it would only be like water in a whale

I could release you to the ocean with a mighty sound

 

I'll find true north, somewhere, somehow

When the road ends, and spits me out

I'll call my friends, and wipe my nose

Ill find true north, and stumble home

 

C'mon be a comedian

Got to admit there's something funny in the

fall to ruin

You're broken, hungover, and living in your parent's house

 

You'll find true north, somewhere, somehow

When the road ends, and spits you out

You'll call your friends, and wipe your nose

You'll find true north, and stumble home

 

I'm

Stumbling

Home

 

Am I air or am I water will I dry or will I drown?

I built everything I wanted then I tore it down

 

I am sure

As hot is cold

The more I learn

The less I know

I'll find true north, and settle down

Release the lowness of my doubt

I'll call my friends, and wipe my nose

I'll find true north, and stumble home

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“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.

Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.

― Brené Brown

 

“Mind like Water” =


Perfectly appropriate response to, and engagement with, whatever is present.

 

Tamara Squires, Creator of FLiP: Start With Happy! At-Home Fitness/Transformation Workout Program



EVENTS


Click links to purchase Unfold & True North Songs: 


Unfold (Acoustic Version) - Start Here - EP  True North - Water in a Whale